The Chief Export of Chuck Norris is Pain
As I woke up this morning (afternoon) trying to recover from the wildest Christmas party I've ever been to, I starting playing around online and stumbled on this little gem of a website - random "facts" about everyone's favorite Texas Ranger and all-around martial arts badass, Chuck Norris. Here are a few of my favorites:
- "If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks
you in the face. "
- "There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. "
- "It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him. "
- "When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question
Chuck Norris.""
- " If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn,
sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the
entire state down. "
- "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement."
- "Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. "
And it goes on and on like that. Maybe it's the hangover talking, but I think these are pure comic gold. Go to http://www.4q.cc/chuck/ for a random "fact" that you can grade for yourself, or check out http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty for the top 30 as voted on by other people.
Merry Christmas to all Christians, Happy Chanukah to all Jews, and Happy Holidays to Bill O'Reilly!
- "If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds
till." After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks
you in the face. "
- "There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris. "
- "It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a
pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure
more pirates to him. "
- "When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck
said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He
came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and
when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came
with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he
gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question
Chuck Norris.""
- " If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn,
sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the
entire state down. "
- "Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the
JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with
his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer
amazement."
- "Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned
beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull. "
And it goes on and on like that. Maybe it's the hangover talking, but I think these are pure comic gold. Go to http://www.4q.cc/chuck/ for a random "fact" that you can grade for yourself, or check out http://www.4q.cc/chuck/index.php?topthirty for the top 30 as voted on by other people.
Merry Christmas to all Christians, Happy Chanukah to all Jews, and Happy Holidays to Bill O'Reilly!
posted by jonphiwil @ 1:15 PM
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