Skip Steps 1 & 3

Exploring that Awkward Time of Life in between Grad School and Marriage.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

She Drove a Milan Right Into My Heart

I completely ripped this off a radio show I listen to, but I'm thinking about doing a regular feature on this blog called "Is this weird?" It's a fairly simple premise - I reveal a little personal quirk/habit/idea, and then it's up to you to decide whether that thing is normal or if it's something I should probably keep to myself from now on.

So consider this entry #1 in the series: I have a huge TV-crush on that girl in the Mercury ads. I would never drive a Mercury, that background song is horrible, and that weird little vest she's sporting can go, but I could watch this commercial over and over. I think she's beautiful, and definitely my type.

Weird?



Friday, January 26, 2007

Yeah, That Sounds like a Fantastic Idea....

Even though few people outside of the immediate area may know about it, North Carolina has a strong film and television industry, and the center of that industry is right here in Wilmington. Movies and TV shows are constantly in production around town, there's a major (ok...maybe "major" is the wrong word...it's Screen Gems) movie studio about 2 miles from my apartment, and it's not at all uncommon to see a street downtown closed off to the public for filming. People actually come here from out of town to see the real-life locales from Dawson's Creek and One Tree Hill.

Dawson's, I understand. One Tree, not so much.

However, a total shitstorm began brewing this past summer when sweet little Dakota Fanning was in town to film her latest project, Hounddog. Word managed to get out around town very early in production that Ms. Fanning's character was going to be involved in a brutal rape scene, and as could be expected, some people were kind of upset about a movie featuring a forced sexual encounter on a 12 year old girl. After the initial uproar, though, people got over it.

You see, even though NC as a whole is firmly in Red State territory, there do exist little pockets where the population doesn't conform to every Jesus-and-NASCAR stereotype lots of people picture. And while I'd say Chapel Hill/Carborro is probably the only area in the State that can rightfully be labeled "liberal," Wilmington is one of those cities that sits squarely in the moderate ground.

So basically when the Hounddog scandal first broke, you had the Bible-beaters condemning it, the artsy types celebrating it, and the vast majority of the people saying "it's just a movie...and I'm late for work!"

And we moved on.

Now Hounddog is causing a stir at Sundance, is gearing up for its theatrical release, and once again is turning some heads in the Ol' North State. Only this time around, its not here in moderate Wilmington, but in the decidedly-Jesus-and-NASCAR stronghold of Rockingham County. One of the State Senators from said county is proposing legislation that would, in essence, give the government editorial - if not outright censorship - rights over any picture filmed within our borders.

Are you kidding me?

The crux of Sen. Berger's argument is that the State's taxpayers shouldn't be forced to help fund "objectionable " movies. Granted, NC does offer lucrative tax incentives for producers to bring their projects into the state, but how on earth would you police what material is "objectionable"? I challenge Sen. Berger to pick 20 people off the street to describe their idea of "objectionable." I don't care if you're in Wilmington, Rockingham County, New York City, Tokyo or Easter Island, those 20 people are going to give 20 different answers.

There's already a clear exception in the tax breaks for obscene materials, which are defined as - come on law grads, in unison - depicting sexual conduct presented in an offensive way that appeals to prurient interest, lacks any serious literary, artistic, political or scientific value. While this definition is far from perfect, it does present much clearer set of boundaries than "objectionable."

Might Saving Private Ryan be objectionable to a peace activist? Could Office Space be objectionable to upper-management types? Lord of the Rings to Orcs? The bottom line is that you can name any film in the history of cinema, and someone will find it "objectionable."

Does Sen. Berger actually think writers are going tohand over their scripts for one final re-write by a bunch of good-ol-boy politicians? I can see it now....

"Yeah, you're absolutely right, Senator. Even though this project is a Ted Bundy bio-pic, lots of people find murder objectionable, so we'll have none of that in the film."

If this proposed bill actually passes (and God help us, with our politicians, it just might) then Senator Berger will get exactly what he wants - there will be no objectionable movies made in North Carolina, because there will be no movies made in North Carolina at all. The prospect of having to get some sort of legislative approval on an artistic endeavour will drive these projects out of state. End of story. The producers, directors, writers, and actors will not come and stay in our hotels, eat at our restaurants, drink at our bars, and have sex with our prostitutes (or whatever they do when they're here). Likewise for the tourists/stargazers that come out of nowhere when a big project starts up.

You don't think South Carolina or Virginia could come up with a decent incentive package for a big-budget film rejected (or one that doesn't even want to bother with the hassle of) the film committee of the NC Senate? I promise you, the scenery looks really similar.

People don't come here and eat at Hell's Kitchen because of the food. They eat there because it's where Pacey worked in Boston in the last seasons of Dawson's Creek. To be fair the food is actually very good there, but the big draw for everyon...er, I mean, me...is the Dawson's connection.

We've got a good thing going here. Let's not just give it away.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Here's Something Random and Pointless....

How bored have I been lately after I get home from work? Bored enough to find sites like Cats that Look Like Hitler. It's like MySpace, but for cats....that look like Adolph Hitler.

These beasts are henceforth known as "Kitlers."

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Holy..uh...Cruise!?!?

OK, if you read Drudge then you've probably seen this already, but I feel the need to spread it around. Apparently Tom Cruise (not Jack Bauer) is the new Jesus. See for yourself:

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,4-2007030603,00.html

So there.

Saturday, January 20, 2007

Check Out My Huge, Greasy Cock...

...atiel.

This is actually from a while ago, but I never got around to posting it before. One night Sugar was out of his cage, flying around as he does when I'm home (my parent's don't like to take him out because sometimes he's hard to catch, and also because of the droppings issue). Most of the time, he'll do a few laps around the house and then pause at one of his favorite landing areas - the living room mantle, the dining room curtains, my dad's CD rack - to catch his breath before taking off again.

However on this particular night, he made his way into the kitchen and - for reasons known only to his little birdie brain - decided a pan of leftover grease from dinner looked like a good spot to land. After he splashed down, he was so stuck that he couldn't take off again. Furiously flapping his wings, he merely managed to splash more grease on himself until he was completely covered (it had been about an hour since dinner, so it wasn't hot enough to burn, but it was still in that mushy state before it totally hardens).

Once he calmed down a little, I gave him a toothbrush-and-dish-washing-liquid bath, and he was fine. But he was rather funny looking at the time, so I felt I had to take a few pics. It reminded me of that Seinfeld where Kramer is testing his oil barge liner by tossing a huge ball of oil out of the Play Now window, and it lands on Jerry's girlfriend.

"Look at me! I'm covered in oil! Haha!"


Yeah, this post is pretty lame, I know. Work has been ridiculous lately, and I'm trying to find a new place to live, so that's cutting into the blogging time a little. My only hope is that someone looking for porn will stumble onto this page by accident...

"Oh yeah! Huge, greasy co.....what the hell is this!?!"

Then it'll all be worth it.

Thursday, January 04, 2007

It Don't Matter What He Said...He is Not My Doppleganger!

I think I've mentioned on here before how I seem to have a good "everyman" face, as I am frequently mistaken for other people. Although it's happened before, I had one of the more interesting mistaken identity encounters earlier this week. It went something like this:

Me [sitting on a bench at the courthouse, shuffling through some papers]
Strange Woman: Kenny! There you are! Kenny...
Me [assuming - incorrectly - that she must be addressing someone else, continue organizing my documents]
SW: Kenny? What are you doing...Oh, you're not Kenny!
Me: Oh, sorry....no, I'm not Kenny....
SW: Well, if you sit like that for too much longer, everyone will think you're Kenny
Me [completely lost for words]: uh.......

And then she walked off.

Unfortunately, I was in a pretty big hurry, or else I would have certainly remained sitting there a while longer to see if anyone else mistook me for "Kenny." What if some ruffians were out to get Kenny, but took out their aggressions on my instead? How about if Kenny's wife had walked up and began to gently massage my shoulders and whisper dirty secrets in my ear? What if Kenny himself had arrived? I feel like some sort of duel to the death would have ensued. Preferably with sabres. There can be only one!

Too bad we'll never know.

This Week's Sign that the World is Coming to an End...

There's a group on facebook entitled "I'm sick of white trash informing me my collar is up...No shit it's popped!" It's basically a support group for collar poppers. So, anyway...