Pearl the Landlord

Local Celeb/Idiot!

Hooray! A local guy made The Smoking Gun!

http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2007/0420073shirt1.html

At least he was supporting the VaTech shooting victims....that counts for something, right?

Stiller...Schwartzman...Me?

OK, well I'm not actually in the movie, but I received a notice on my door that The Marc Pease Experience will be filming on my street tomorrow.

{I scanned in said notice, but for some reason blogger won't post the pic...you'll just have to imagine an official-looking notice from Paramount Studios sitting here}

I think it would be pretty cool to get out and watch some of it if I can get away from work at a reasonable time. Maybe Ben and Jason and a whole entourage of hotties will even hit the bars tomorrow night? I honestly don't know what else they'd do around here....

Blackberry Blackout

Did anyone else get hit by the Blackberry outage this morning? It caused complete freak out mode at my office, and sadly, I was as worked up as anyone else. I honestly used mock those "Oh, I couldn't live without my Blackberry!" people, and now I'm one of them. What's really bad is that everything was back to normal around 10:15, and it still made for one the longest mornings I can remember.

I'm not sure how that makes me feel.

One Thing Missing from my Life: A Cool Catch-Phrase

Lately I've been thinking a lot - and by "lately" I mean earlier today, and by "thinking a lot" I mean when I was daydreaming on the way work - and have come to this conclusion:

I think my social life could improve immensely if I had a great 80's sitcom-style catch-phrase. Just imagine the fun. Hanging out with your friends, and hit a lull in the conversation? Catch-phrase time! No good ice-breaker for the cute girl in the bar? Bam! Have an argument with a good buddy? Lighten the mood with a great one liner! Oh, the possibilities are endless.

But what to say? I've narrowed it down to my top three choices:

1) ...all the way to Cambodia!
As in:
"I'd kick his ass all the way to Cambodia!" or,
"You can tell that story all the way to Cambodia, but that doesn't make it true."

2) I'm pissing crystal over here!
As in:
"What is taking her so long? I'm pissing crystal over here!" or,
"Of course I'm excited for the big game...I'm pissing crystal over here!"

3) ...even if I were covered in Kevlar!
As in:
"You think Diane is cute? Dude, I wouldn't touch her even if I were covered in Kevlar!" or,
"Ron is a fucking slob. I wouldn't hang out at his place even if I were covered in Kevlar!"

Clearly any one of these phrases would be useful in a variety of social situations, but to be a true catch-phrase, I need to stick with one and really make it my own. Perhaps some real-world testing is in order.

Either Genius or Insanity

I'm very careful when I post about things related to work. The names are ALWAYS changed or left out entirely, the places are USUALLY changed, and my firm's name is NEVER used. God help us all if someone googling my office should stumble on this garbage.

However, this is one instance where I feel it is my journalistic (or bloggeristic, maybe? whatever...) duty to use real names and locations to address this particular topic.

See, when dealing with real estate matters, I come across a whole variety of subdivision names. Most are your typical grandiose statements of the property's supposed magical desirability..."Enchanted Acres," or "Seaside Haven." The names are different, but they all mean basically the same thing - "no poor folks here!"

Anyway, the other day I came across the best (worst?) subdivision name I have ever seen. Located just outside Kinston, NC, is the phenomenally-titled "Colonial Colony."

Yes, some developer actually dubbed his land "Colonial Colony."

Can you imagine that brainstorming session?

Developer: We need a name to really draw the people in...something with a "wow" factor....
Assistant 1: I agree...how about "Lenoir Estates," or maybe "The Kinston Reserve"....
Assistnat 2: Or maybe "Kinston Plantation"....
Dev.: Yeah, yeah, something that hearkens back to the city's roots...something with a sense of history...
Ass 1: "Plantation Forest?"
Ass 2: "Colonial Forest?"
Dev.: OK, now we're on the right track...I like "colonial"....
Ass 1: "Colonial Creek!"
Ass 2: "Colonial Plantation!"
Dev.: No, no, no, less "plantation," and more "colonial!"
Ass 1: Uh, "Colonial Colony?"
Ass 2: [blank stare]
Dev.: Perfect!

Here's a Google Map link if you're ever in the area.

Because Chuck Norris Told Me to...

Lately I've been coming to terms with a paradox in my life: I love exercising/playing sports, and I've been on more high school/rec/intramural teams than I could list...BUT...at the same time, I am also incredibly lazy. Essentially, I'd jump right into a basketball game being played right outside my apartment, but I'm sure as hell not going to drive across town to participate.

I guess this contradiction has been with me my whole life, but it's been especially prevalent ever since law school wrapped up almost 2 years ago (and on a side note....holy crap...law school was nearly 2 years ago....geez). See, when I was younger my mom would drive me to and from practice/games; in high school most sports took place immediately after school and I was there anyway; in college it was a similar situation, plus the fact that you have all kinds of time to dick around in college; law school was a little more challenging in that regard, but not too much.

Then I started working....

And when I get home at the end of a long, crappy day, the last thing I want to do is change clothes, pack up a gym bag, head off again, etc.

I need instant gratification.

That's where Chuck Norris comes in...or at least the product he's been pitching for the last 10 years or so. Enter the Total Gym.

It sets up perfectly in my living room, but folds up and can hide in the corner when needed. Lots of exercises, no leaving the house. If ever there a was product designed with me in mind, it is this one.

Thanks Chuck!