Making the Breathalyzer Obsolete

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to toss anything new up here. Two weeks ago I was trying to get ready for the big State College trip, then there was the trip itself, and finally when I got back to NC (at 11:00 Sunday night) I found out I had been assigned to cases involving land in two counties about 5 hours away, instead of the cases 1 hour away that had been on my schedule when I left. So, to everyone who's been missing me, I do apologize for the absense*.

So for my return to posting, my first thought was to do a trip recap, but that was already thouroughly covered here by The Brewer Patriot. Then I thought about maybe doing a little observation post on the trip - forgo the main points, and just talk about some of the random little things I noticed that no one else likely did.

For instance, the black guy sitting behind me on the bus who talked like a redneck white dude - he was dropping the n-bomb 2 or 3 times per sentence, and until I finally glanced back and realized he was actually black, I thought I may be an unwilling particiapant in a race riot. Or the girl sitting beside me on the same bus, who was totally cute in a non-intimidating, girl-next-door kind of way - when I tried to talk to her I was engulfed in her terrible breath...like something had crawled in her mouth and died....no, no, like something had crawled in her mouth, taken an enourmous crap down her throat, and then died. Or the girl in the G-Man who had lived in Wilmington for a year - and in 5 minutes of takling, basically verified every single fear and concern I've had about this place.

I could've written entire pieces about any of those, but in the meantime I discovered something much more interesting and entertaining - my own physical transformations when my body comes into contact with intoxicating beverages. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself....

The realization that my body actually goes through alcohol-induced changes came to me as I stared to get my hands on pictures from last weekend, and from my Charlotte trip a few weeks back. Now, I can't say that this came as a total surprise. Anyone that regularly drinks and/or just hangs out in bars knows that most drunks exhibit some common attributes - slouching, glazed-over eyes, etc.

But I was mostly shocked at the degree at which these changes occur in myself in relation to the amount of alcohol consumed. Contrary to what these pictures may suggest, on neither of the nights in question was I out-of-my-mind drunk. No throwing up, passing out, memory loss, nasty hangovers on any of these. Honestly, these were typical "just going to hang out and have a couple of drinks" nights.

Observe:

That's me on the far right, the night I got into State College.

As I recall, this shot was taken as we waited for our first beers of the night to be served. Pay particular attention to the eyes (focused, generally normal-looking) and the hair (parted to the side, a little shaggy in the front, the way I've worn it since I was about 4).

Now check this out:

From the very same night, just a few hours and a few drinks later.

First the eyes - I clearly know I'm being photographed because of the retarded expression on my face, yet my eyes seem to be having a bit of trouble locking onto the camera (righty seems to be drifting nose-ward). And check out that hair. Did someone do an Aquanet-driveby when I wasn't paying attention? And then I wonder why I have a hard time meeting girls at the bars....

But then I started to think, "hmmm, it was probably just that night...by that point I had been on two airplanes, a taxi, and a Greyhound bus, so I bet travel-weariness played a part!" Though alas, that does not seem to be the case. Here's another picture from just a few weeks prior, taken on a day with no long-distance travel involved whatsoever:

Different friends. Nicer clothes. Same eyes. Same hair.

I can't even imagine how bad I would look if I really went on a bender. I feel like I need to see if I can do something about this...not give up drinking, or anything drastic like that, though. Maybe a new haircut? Maybe get the same type of haircut, but just stop going to SuperCuts? Neither one of those would probably be a bad move on my part. As for the eyes, that might be trickier....

*Actually, A) I doubt anyone really missed me, and B) I owe you nothing!