Be Careful What You Wish For?

In case you haven't noticed, I've been doing a lot of bitching lately about how my current living situation isn't quite doing it for me. Well, this afternoon, I came out of a hearing to find that I had a voicemail from my boss saying he had "something kind of big" to talk to me about before I went home for the day.

As it turned out, he's thinking about relocating me. Apparently I'm actually pretty good at what I'm doing, and he wants me to cover a broader area of the state (at no point did me mention anything about upping my salary, so I hesitate to use the word "promotion").

But here's the problem - the 3 or 4 cities he mentioned off the top of his head as we talked are infinitely more crappy than Wilmington. They are all places I occassionally have to visit for particular cases, and they are all places I very much look forward to leaving at the end of the day.

So what to do?

On a scale of 1 to 10, my social life currently sits at about 2.5. If I move to any of those cities, it could very well dip into the negative...but I would be "advancing my career" or something like that. If I say no and stay here - where things aren't great, but not necessarily bad either - I'm sure that would make me "not a team player" to the partners, and the next time a big promotion opens up they'll likely look to someone else.

And my boss wants an answer tomorrow.

Sleep may not happen tonight.

Making the Breathalyzer Obsolete

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to toss anything new up here. Two weeks ago I was trying to get ready for the big State College trip, then there was the trip itself, and finally when I got back to NC (at 11:00 Sunday night) I found out I had been assigned to cases involving land in two counties about 5 hours away, instead of the cases 1 hour away that had been on my schedule when I left. So, to everyone who's been missing me, I do apologize for the absense*.

So for my return to posting, my first thought was to do a trip recap, but that was already thouroughly covered here by The Brewer Patriot. Then I thought about maybe doing a little observation post on the trip - forgo the main points, and just talk about some of the random little things I noticed that no one else likely did.

For instance, the black guy sitting behind me on the bus who talked like a redneck white dude - he was dropping the n-bomb 2 or 3 times per sentence, and until I finally glanced back and realized he was actually black, I thought I may be an unwilling particiapant in a race riot. Or the girl sitting beside me on the same bus, who was totally cute in a non-intimidating, girl-next-door kind of way - when I tried to talk to her I was engulfed in her terrible breath...like something had crawled in her mouth and died....no, no, like something had crawled in her mouth, taken an enourmous crap down her throat, and then died. Or the girl in the G-Man who had lived in Wilmington for a year - and in 5 minutes of takling, basically verified every single fear and concern I've had about this place.

I could've written entire pieces about any of those, but in the meantime I discovered something much more interesting and entertaining - my own physical transformations when my body comes into contact with intoxicating beverages. Hey, if you can't laugh at yourself....

The realization that my body actually goes through alcohol-induced changes came to me as I stared to get my hands on pictures from last weekend, and from my Charlotte trip a few weeks back. Now, I can't say that this came as a total surprise. Anyone that regularly drinks and/or just hangs out in bars knows that most drunks exhibit some common attributes - slouching, glazed-over eyes, etc.

But I was mostly shocked at the degree at which these changes occur in myself in relation to the amount of alcohol consumed. Contrary to what these pictures may suggest, on neither of the nights in question was I out-of-my-mind drunk. No throwing up, passing out, memory loss, nasty hangovers on any of these. Honestly, these were typical "just going to hang out and have a couple of drinks" nights.

Observe:

That's me on the far right, the night I got into State College.

As I recall, this shot was taken as we waited for our first beers of the night to be served. Pay particular attention to the eyes (focused, generally normal-looking) and the hair (parted to the side, a little shaggy in the front, the way I've worn it since I was about 4).

Now check this out:

From the very same night, just a few hours and a few drinks later.

First the eyes - I clearly know I'm being photographed because of the retarded expression on my face, yet my eyes seem to be having a bit of trouble locking onto the camera (righty seems to be drifting nose-ward). And check out that hair. Did someone do an Aquanet-driveby when I wasn't paying attention? And then I wonder why I have a hard time meeting girls at the bars....

But then I started to think, "hmmm, it was probably just that night...by that point I had been on two airplanes, a taxi, and a Greyhound bus, so I bet travel-weariness played a part!" Though alas, that does not seem to be the case. Here's another picture from just a few weeks prior, taken on a day with no long-distance travel involved whatsoever:

Different friends. Nicer clothes. Same eyes. Same hair.

I can't even imagine how bad I would look if I really went on a bender. I feel like I need to see if I can do something about this...not give up drinking, or anything drastic like that, though. Maybe a new haircut? Maybe get the same type of haircut, but just stop going to SuperCuts? Neither one of those would probably be a bad move on my part. As for the eyes, that might be trickier....

*Actually, A) I doubt anyone really missed me, and B) I owe you nothing!

Let's Speculate About My Future!

Today at work I was researching a chain of title to a piece of land when I stumbled onto a fun little distraction. The Mecklenburg County Register of Deeds website has a section called "Fun Facts," where, among other things, you can look up the first name of the person you're most likely to marry. And since all of my friends are getting married these days, and I don't even have a girlfriend, I decided to give it a shot. Here are my top 5 matches:

1. Jennifer
2. Kimberly
3. Julie
4. Amy
5. Michelle

(Sorry to any Heathers, Deborahs, or Dawns who were holding out hope for me)

So then I started to think, if I did marry a Jennifer, who would it be? Jennifer Aniston? Jennifer Lopez? Gov. Jennifer Granholm of Michigan? There certainly are quite a few to choose from.

However, I think there would be a big downside to me ending up with a Jennifer - that the name is just a little too similar to my own. Hear me out on this one. Look how effortlessly the following phrases just role off the tongue: "We should have Jon and Jenn over for dinner," "Jon and Jenn just got back from Uganda," and "No I would never have a threesome, unless it was with Jon and Jenn."

I just feel like I would have to give up a large amount of my individuality if I were to marry a Jennifer. And can you image if one or both of us were famous? "Joniferr" is way too easy. I don't think I could deal with that.

Sorry, Jennifer.



**Update**
Shortly after I poseted this, I had to give the good folks at T-Mobile a call to straighten out a problem with my account. The customer service rep who helped me out was named Jennifer. I thought that was kind of funny.

I Need a New "Thing"

Everybody has a "thing." It's that one hobby that you can count on them devoting at least one day out of the weekend to doing. The type of activity that they occasionally will go out of town for, because some other place somewhere else is better for that thing than here.

For some people it's golf, or poker, or hiking, or hunting, or one of a million other things. For me, at various points in my life it's been surfing, running 5Ks, triathlons, playing guitar, and I'm sure a few others that have slipped my mind for the moment. And don't get me wrong, I still enjoy all of those things. You just reach a point sometimes when you've run the same trail so many times, or you've been playing the same type of music so much that you need a shake-up.

I just sort of feel like I'm stagnating, and I think a new "thing" may be good for me. I'm open to suggestions. Feel free to discuss.

Pardon My Noise - It's the Sound of Freedom

Have you ever had one of those moments where a song comes on, and it just happens to be the perfect soundtrack to whatever is going on just then? Sort of like, if your life were a movie, that song is precisley what would be playing in the background of that particular scene? I had one of those the other day. I was driving home from work one afternoon when Radiohead's "Let Down" came on, and it created a very surreal moment. The time of day, my mood, the traffic around me...everything just kind of meshed suddenly when that song came on. Maybe one of these songs could do the trick for you:

1. Razorlight - In the Morning
2. Goodnight Monsters - 20 Fingers 20 Toes
3. Van Dreissen - Ms. Charlotte
4. Portastatic - And I was a Boy from School
5. The Weepies - Gotta Have You
6. Levy - In the Woods
   
7. The 1900s - Bring the Good Boys Home
8. I'm from Barcelona - We're from Barcelona
   
9. The Kiss Offs - Love You Hardcore
10. Under the Influence of Giants - Mama's Room
11. Our Lady of the Highway - Fine Dancer
    
12. The Capes - Shinjuku Hi 5
13. The Benevento Russo Duo - Soba
14. I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness - Lights
    
15. The Whitest Boy Alive - Burning
16. Cities - Capitol
17. My Brightest Diamond - Golden Star
18. Snowden - Anti-Anti